i love accidental penises.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
