i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
