Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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