It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
