He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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