My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
