I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
