I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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