I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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