3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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