i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
