They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
