why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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