Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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