ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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