apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
