i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
