Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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