He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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