i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
