yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
