how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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