Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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