Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
