I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's always time for handjobs
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
