yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
