We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
