I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
