i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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