So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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