I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
