then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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