i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
