I think i sorta joined a cult last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
