Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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