as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need water and some morals
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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