funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
