She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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