I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
