drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
