All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
birth control should be required to get into college
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
