I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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