He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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