Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
