i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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