Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
