Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize