3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
