I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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