When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have post one night stand depression
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
