you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
