A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
