I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
