Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
