1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
