dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
