This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
wow bdsm is so cute
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
