I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
