How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
