Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The air was thick with penises
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
