was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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