Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
