I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
