i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
