$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
