I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found your dick twin last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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