I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
even my farts smell like vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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